I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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