I wanna passion pit in your ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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