you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
