I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
