why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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