youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
