The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
