The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
