What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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