I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
