why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
