My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize