But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
