That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
