i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
