He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
