How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
