Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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