i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
