He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
