We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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