I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
