i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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