I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
