My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
