I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
