I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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