I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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