I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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