I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
