Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
