Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
