I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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