??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
