Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There r osticjed everywhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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