remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
