I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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