so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
