at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I stole a fireplace last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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