I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
