The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
