I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Two words: nipple clamps
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