I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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