he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
