remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
