youre lurking in front of me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They have beer where we have blood.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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