New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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