The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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