We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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