he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
