i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
