please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
