So drunk its hurt
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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