What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
