I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
