She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
