FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
