Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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