For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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