Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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