I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
