i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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