Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
