Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
