dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
