This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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