I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
