I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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