I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
