Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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