i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
