Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Non-Jews are for practice
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
