my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
