I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
