it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize