yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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