Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize